Tag Archives: holidays

The Season of Thanksmas

Before we even settle down for a Thanksgiving dinner, the season of Thanksmas is upon us.  Thanksmas is the time when retailers try to rush us right past Thanksgiving into the season of Christmas.  You know it has arrived when the obnoxious fluorescent lighting of a store is actually overshadowed by the Christmas displays.  Everywhere you look, commercial Christmas is upon us.  Rather than subtle and tasteful decorations, most stores go for the “Santa’s elves just threw up in here” look. 

What’s the matter with savoring a holiday?   If you ask me, Thanksgiving should last for a week.  It’s a holiday that has nothing whatsoever to do with gifts, but rather family and gratitude.  (Okay, I’m trying to overlook the football, parades of lip-synchers, and ridiculous amounts of desserts.)   But even at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, Santa Claus arrives to steal the show.  Shouldn’t he be kept under wraps for his grand appearance a month later?  Plus, I don’t know if it’s really fair to leave Mrs. Claus and the elves during the start of their busy season. 

Santa Claus used to appear on Christmas Eve, but now I guess it’s all about public relations and keeping in touch with the people.  The other day I saw hundreds of children in line to see Santa at the mall.  Not only did the parents look exhausted, but the children did not seem at all excited at the thought of standing for an hour to spend a minute on a stranger’s lap.  Apparently no one questioned the fact that during the busy week before Christmas, Santa was spending an afternoon at a mall food court.

Nothing against Kris Kringle, but he would make much more of an impact if he made one annual appearance.  Let each holiday have its own day of glory.  Besides, how would Santa like it if the Easter Bunny showed up on Christmas morning?  Next thing you know, Cupid will drop the ball on New’s Year’s Eve, and the Leprechaun will pass out Valentines.  Let’s put an end to the holiday merge!  Thanksmas, Christmas Year’s Day, Valentine’s Birthday, The Fourth of Easter!

Now that the Christmas season has arrived, we should cherish every moment of it. It is a glorious holiday that deserves its moment in the spotlight. And as much as I love and respect George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, I do not want to celebrate their birthdays during a Christmas parade. 

Have a Merry Christmas, everyone!  Here are some links to some of my previous Christmas blogs:

The Unofficial Christmas Carol Awards, The 12 Minutes of Christmas, Scotch Tape and Schnitzel with Noodles, Watch Out for the Blazing Yule, Santa Gets a Makeover

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New Year’s Eve in Times Circle

           

 EXHAUSTED PARTYGOERS:  …5, 4, 3, 2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

            (Cue kazoos, confetti, and embracing partygoers).

            One minute later…

            EXHAUSTED PARTYGOERS: (awkward silence) Well…Goodnight!

When it comes to holidays, New Year’s Eve gets the short end of the stick.  First of all, it has to follow Christmas, and who can compete with that?  While Christmas has a plethora of carols and fun songs, New Year’s has one, and nobody knows what it means. 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of Auld Lang Syne?

The Scots have a way of putting things that would even make Einstein scratch his head.  “Auld Lang Syne” was written by the Scottish poet Robert Burns, who wrote the famous song/poem, “My luve is like a red, red rose.”  Apparently he caused a lot of confusion with this misspelling, which eventually led to the invention of Luvs® diapers.  Not many people realize that other diaper brands also stemmed from his less popular poems, “I want to give thee kissees and huggies” and “My luve doth pampers me.”  But nothing compares to the confusion he caused by his New Year’s Eve song.

In addition to the song problem, the iconic image of New Year’s Eve is the dropping of the ball in Times Square. Isn’t “dropping the ball” supposed to be a bad thing?  Athletes who drop the ball are shamefully scorned, sometimes for life if it happens during the World Series or Super Bowl. Then there’s the reproving expression: You really dropped the ball on that one.  So why start a new year by “dropping the ball?”  Seems a bit ominous to me. 

And Times Square?  Being “square” is hardly a compliment.  Maybe we should find a more geometrically flattering location, like a nice circular rotary, or even The Pentagon.  Or do it at a stop sign; at least that’s an octagon. And to all of you who actually stand outside and freeze your biscuits to witness this momentous event in person, wouldn’t you rather do it in Hawaii? 

Where is the New Year’s cookie?  The New Year’s Tree?  I’m telling you, this holiday needs our help!  After much consideration, I have put together the following proposal to bring some glory to this unfortunate holiday. 

CHRISTMAS                  NEW YEAR’S       REVISED NEW YEAR’S

Christmas cookies          chips & dips          Double Stuff Oreos

Santa Claus                   Dick Clark            Chuck Norris

XMAS                            no abbreviation     NYE

morning                         midnight               brunch

decorated tree                dropping ball         hot fudge sundae

gifts                           kazoos & party hats   Navy Seal uniforms

numerous carols             Auld Lang Syne      Michael Jackson’s Thriller

warm living room            Times Square         Times Circle, Hawaii