The Un-Grammy Awards: Elton John

Remember when Elton John seemed shocking?  Compared to today’s musicians, his glasses and clothes seem so normal now. He has sold millions of albums and won numerous awards, all richly deserved.  His songs have withstood the test of time. But have we truly recognized the greatness of his lyrics? 

Ladies and gentlemen, here are the Un-Grammy Awards for Elton John:

From “Your Song”

BEST DESCRIPTION OF FOOD POISONING

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside

BEST WEIGHT WATCHERS PROMO

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

BEST MEANINGLESS PROMISE

I don’t have much money but boy if I did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live 

BEST IDENTITY CRISIS

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

BEST REASON TO BUY GIFT CARDS

I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one’s for you

TOP REJECTED VERSE BY HALLMARK

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

 

From “Daniel”

BEST PROMO FOR CATARACT SURGERY

God it looks like Daniel; must be the clouds in my eyes 

BEST STATEMENT OF THE OBVIOUS

Daniel my brother, you are older than me

BEST MOMENT OF BITTERNESS

They say Spain is pretty though I’ve never been

Well Daniel says it’s the best place that he’s ever seen

Oh and he should know, he’s been there enough

 

From “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word”

BEST TIME TO CALL DR. PHIL

What have I got to do to make you love me

What have I got to do to make you care

BEST TIME TO CALL 9-1-1

What do I do when lightning strikes me

And I wake to find that you’re not there 

BEST DESCRIPTION OF THE GOVERNMENT

It’s sad, so sad, it’s a sad, sad situation

And it’s getting more and more absurd.

 

From “Rocket Man”

BEST THEME FOR THE DMV LINE

And I think, it’s gonna be a long, long time

It’s gonna be a long, long time

I think, it’s gonna be a long, long time

It’s gonna be a long, long time, oh 

From “I’m Still Standing”

RUNNER-UP BEST THEME FOR THE DMV LINE

I’m still standing (yeah yeah yeah);

I’m still standing (yeah yeah yeah)

 

From “Tiny Dancer”

BEST VAGUE JOB DESCRIPTION

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band

Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you’ll marry a music man

 

From “Crocodile Rock”

BEST BLATANT GRAMMATICAL ERROR

I remember when rock was young

Me and Suzie had so much fun

 

From “Bennie and the Jets”

BEST STUTTER

B-B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets

MOST MISUNDERSTOOD LYRICS

She’s got electric boots a mohair suit

Click here to watch Heidi Keigel and James Madsen singing their version.

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