The Leprechaun had a successful career right out of the gate, but then he fell on some hard times. In his prime, he was sliding down the rainbow to a pot of gold, and then one day he woke up as the spokesperson for Lucky Charms. How did this happen? After obtaining his Screen Actors Guild (SAG) card, he became hooked on the glam life in L.A. and eventually landed the role of The Munchkin Mayor in The Wizard of Oz. Then came stardom in six self-titled horror movies, six of which were only seen by his mother, and even she panned them.
The price of this revamped fame was the fact that he now scared the tar out of small children everywhere. Making matters worse, his nemesis, the Jolly Green Giant, was enjoying huge success and even getting these same children to eat their peas. Poor Lep was often seen wandering the streets at night, kicking trashcans and muttering, “Potato famine…corned beef and cabbage…Riverdance. ‘Luck of the Irish’…Bah!”
Does the Leprechaun enjoy St. Patrick’s Day, or is it just a painful reminder of his former glory days? Perhaps he would return to his popularity if we could only focus on the more positive aspects of the colorful Irish culture. How about Pierce Brosnan — an Irish James Bond? Many people don’t realize that Patrick Dempsey of Grey’s Anatomy is of Irish descent. There has not been such an interest in anatomy since the days of Hippocrates. How about The Boston Celtics? A team that gives us hope that even a pale white guy can wear shamrocks and actually look cool. And don’t forget Irish Spring…Who doesn’t like to feel “fresh and clean as a whistle?”
I have always had mixed feelings about St. Patrick’s Day, secretly wishing there was an entire day to celebrate the countries of my heritage. For example, why can’t we have a day for the English? Lots of potential there. We could eat English muffins and watch Colin Firth movies.
How can you not love Mr. Firth? Fresh off his recent Oscar win for The King’s Speech, he probably could inspire an entire holiday. The guy could give me goose bumps just ordering Kentucky Fried Chicken. Just imagine him stating in his perfect Mr. Darcy voice, “Make mine extra crispy.” Then comes the impenetrable glare as he discovers that they gave him cornbread instead of the home-style biscuit. An outrage, indeed!
Personally, I wish that Colin Firth would appear in every movie from now on. He could become the next William H. Macy. Even just a quick cameo. He wouldn’t have to say anything, just give The Look and slink into the background.
While I feel sorry for the Leprechaun, I will not be spending St. Patrick’s Day pouring green beer into my Lucky Charms. It’s tea and Firth’s Pride and Prejudice for me. But at least I’ll be wearing green.