Valentine’s Day is a decidedly feminine holiday. Hearts and flowers, doilies and lace, and don’t forget pink cupcakes with candy hearts that say, “Let’s snuggle.” Men should be frightened, but the good ones, like my husband, lovingly play along without complaint.
In defense of the guys, where is their masculine holiday? It wouldn’t be too difficult for women to return the favor by lavishing men with their favorites for one special day of the year. It is simply a matter of substitutions. We make those all the times at restaurants. I’ll have the veggie omelet, but instead of onions I’ll have mushrooms, and I’d like Cheddar cheese instead of Swiss, please. If we made the same effort to tweak Valentine’s Day, we could easily invent a new manly holiday.
The first to go would be Cupid the chubby cherub, the Valentine’s mascot. Not exactly the type of mascot you would see for an NFL team. Any team named The Cupids would be laughed off the field. Cupid does carry a bow and arrow, but the whole naked baby with wings deal really hurts his reputation . The Ninja would definitely be the mascot of choice for the guys.
Don’t even try to insult a guy by giving him a Sampler’s box of chocolate. The box of bite size girlie candies would be replaced by a King Size Snickers bar. Dining out at a fancy candle-lit restaurant will have to be substituted with a steak pit with lots of dead animals on the wall.
No chick flicks whatsoever allowed. No movies that feature Meryl Streep or any Oscar worthy performances. Dialogue should be limited and inaudible. Only action movies with plenty of car chases, explosions, and fight scenes. The title should include at least one of these words: death, bloody, assassin, or ninja. In fact, Bloody Death of the Ninja Assassin would be ideal. If you could also throw in a football game, the day would be complete.
Men definitely would not want to receive flowers. Maybe nachos instead.
The traditional frilly Valentine’s card would have to be transformed into something more masculine. Maybe it would be easier to just incorporate some more manly aspects to the already existing Valentine’s Day. Women could have their hearts and romance, but the men wouldn’t have to feel emasculated. Consider the card possibilities.