New Year’s Eve in Times Circle

           

 EXHAUSTED PARTYGOERS:  …5, 4, 3, 2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

            (Cue kazoos, confetti, and embracing partygoers).

            One minute later…

            EXHAUSTED PARTYGOERS: (awkward silence) Well…Goodnight!

When it comes to holidays, New Year’s Eve gets the short end of the stick.  First of all, it has to follow Christmas, and who can compete with that?  While Christmas has a plethora of carols and fun songs, New Year’s has one, and nobody knows what it means. 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of Auld Lang Syne?

The Scots have a way of putting things that would even make Einstein scratch his head.  “Auld Lang Syne” was written by the Scottish poet Robert Burns, who wrote the famous song/poem, “My luve is like a red, red rose.”  Apparently he caused a lot of confusion with this misspelling, which eventually led to the invention of Luvs® diapers.  Not many people realize that other diaper brands also stemmed from his less popular poems, “I want to give thee kissees and huggies” and “My luve doth pampers me.”  But nothing compares to the confusion he caused by his New Year’s Eve song.

In addition to the song problem, the iconic image of New Year’s Eve is the dropping of the ball in Times Square. Isn’t “dropping the ball” supposed to be a bad thing?  Athletes who drop the ball are shamefully scorned, sometimes for life if it happens during the World Series or Super Bowl. Then there’s the reproving expression: You really dropped the ball on that one.  So why start a new year by “dropping the ball?”  Seems a bit ominous to me. 

And Times Square?  Being “square” is hardly a compliment.  Maybe we should find a more geometrically flattering location, like a nice circular rotary, or even The Pentagon.  Or do it at a stop sign; at least that’s an octagon. And to all of you who actually stand outside and freeze your biscuits to witness this momentous event in person, wouldn’t you rather do it in Hawaii? 

Where is the New Year’s cookie?  The New Year’s Tree?  I’m telling you, this holiday needs our help!  After much consideration, I have put together the following proposal to bring some glory to this unfortunate holiday. 

CHRISTMAS                  NEW YEAR’S       REVISED NEW YEAR’S

Christmas cookies          chips & dips          Double Stuff Oreos

Santa Claus                   Dick Clark            Chuck Norris

XMAS                            no abbreviation     NYE

morning                         midnight               brunch

decorated tree                dropping ball         hot fudge sundae

gifts                           kazoos & party hats   Navy Seal uniforms

numerous carols             Auld Lang Syne      Michael Jackson’s Thriller

warm living room            Times Square         Times Circle, Hawaii

 

 

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One response to “New Year’s Eve in Times Circle

  1. I really enjoy reading your blog! From one homeschool mom to another, you know some days we need an extra dosage of humor!! Thanks for sharing and PLEASE!! Keep up the great job!!

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